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Ask Jackie: What rights as grandparents, do we have in this situation?

Created by Jackie Highe in Ask Jackie, No contact

here jobba hemifrån bo utomlands Q: We have a situation in our house appertaining to our son, Tom… and his girlfriend Emily. I will try to make it brief but it is a major concern to his mother and myself. I am approaching 62 years old and my wife is 58. Between us we have 8 offspring and 12 grandchildren.

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source url enter site Jack, our youngest son, was going out with this girl and suddenly she was made homeless, by her own mother. Feeling sorry for her, and under the impression it was a temporary situation, we gave her somewhere to live. Although having a large family herself she did not have any offers for housing her.

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go site 2+ years on and all was well. Kirsty managed to gain qualifications in a beauty treatment course, all down to me keeping in touch with her tutor, and delivering her to college to make certain of a piece of paper at the end of the year. She also fitted in with the family, we thought, but when she announced she was pregnant and booked into a clinic for another termination, I felt I had to sit them down and talk it over with them before they took those steps. I came from a religious family where abortion would be frowned on. After a few days of assessing there life ahead, they realised that they would have somewhere to live and a permanent baby sitter on hand. They were excited and we shared the feelings for the forthcoming birth.

 

http://www.greensteve.com/?armjanin=%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D9%8A%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AB%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%8A%D8%A9-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AF%D9%89-%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%8A%D8%B7&83a=46 In October of 2010, David was born but not long after after the birth, Emily had to have an operation. So we as grandparents looked after David during this time of convalescing, with the help of Tom making bottles etc.

 

http://blindtrack.co.uk/?pelimok=%D8%AB%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%8A-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AE%D9%8A%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B0%D9%87%D8%A8-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B6-%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%81%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%B1&18b=2e Directly after her recovery it became obvious that Kirsty didn’t want us to go near to Matthew. So even though they live in our house she has expected us to keep our distance from baby. She steers his head around so we can’t communicate with him. Perhaps we are to blame for allowing this to happen and going along with her wishes. We just wanted an easy life and not upset the apple cart with any family members.

 

http://www.juegosfriv.co.com/?yorkos=%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D9%8A%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AB%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%8A%D8%A9-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B4%D8%A8%D9%83%D8%A9-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B9%D8%B5%D8%A8%D9%8A%D8%A9&fdc=18 Kirsty even justified her actions, saying she didn’t want either of us to bond with the baby. Jack obviously doesn’t want to lose his girlfriend so he takes her side no matter. Maybe I should compliment him on that but it sure doesn’t help our home life. It’s ironic that her own side of the family have no problems like this. All are accepted as relatives to David the baby.

 

http://1conn.com/?binarforexar=شرح-المتاجرة-بالذهب My eldest son Richard recently took Tom for a drink, talked to him man to man and stated that we would have to have had a major problem for him to stop us having contact with his own children. I have always tried to help each and every one of them.

 

follow link Of course, when they don’t consider us as grandparents, you can imagine, this was very hurtful. I am sure David as he grows up will be somewhat confused. It has probably had more affect on my wife, rather than myself. I thought about this and I am waiting for him to get moving around. I am sure she can’t always be welded to him as she appears to be at the moment. Nevertheless if we appear to be their slaves in clearing up any mess and neither have been positive about bringing in money to the house, so at times it has been a strained atmosphere. Arguments have ensued and I get the impression we are there purely for their own benefit.

 

http://theshopsonelpaseo.com/?syzen=%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%87%D9%85-%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%85%D9%86%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AC%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A8&2a8=56 اسهم شركه اسمنت الجنوب Tom has now had an offer of a flat but on condition he has a job. This came from parents of a friend. I do believe this is a positive step in the right direction and I will certainly encourage them to go through with the flat, but at the same time does it mean we will not get to see David at all.

 

source So to conclude, I am asking what must appear to be the obvious question…. I would like to know what rights as grandparents, do we have in the future, in this situation?  Thank you. David.

 

اسعار اسهم بنك وربه ليوم الثلاثاء 18 3 2014 A: You’re loving parents, and you’ve been trying to do the right thing for your son and his family. You’ve given them a home, cared for your grandson. It seemed the perfect solution – but as you’re finding out, it isn’t perfect at all.

 

What’s happening here is all too clear, I’m afraid. Emily feels threatened. Becoming ill so soon after the birth, she wasn’t able to take on the role of a mum and now that she can, she’s marking her territory. I know you only want to help, but just for a moment look at it from her point of view. She’s afraid you’ll supplant her – take over. After all, you’re both highly experienced – much more so than her. Maybe she’s jealous of your bond with the baby, too. And it’s your home – she doesn’t even have a kitchen to call her own – she’s a visitor.

 

Of course your son is going to take her side. He’s in an impossible position – he can’t win. On one end is the girl he loves, the mother of his baby, and on the other his parents, whom he also loves. He knows he owes you an awful lot, and gratitude can be a huge burden. From your point of view it must feel as though they’re taking you completely for granted, letting you do all the work and not contributing anything in return.

 

I don’t think you need to be afraid that you’ll lose your grandson if they move out of your house. Do as you said – encourage them to be independent, move out, become a complete unit in their own right. I bet you’ll be amazed at how things will change once that happens. Emily will stop feeling defensive, she’ll open up to you both, and you’ll become involved grandparents.

 

But a word of warning – if you want that to happen, then in the meantime keep your tempers, don’t say anything that you’ll regret, or that they’ll resent. Be calm and loving, understanding, and above all, respect her rights as a mum. Step back and give them some privacy. It’s understandable that you and your wife wanted to show them how to do things and help in every way, but he’s their child – never forget that. Remember your own feelings about your children as they were born.

 

If you feel you can, chat to your son causally and in a relaxed way – say you can see that Emily’s feeling possessive and you understand why. Say you love them both and wanted to be there for them, but that you won’t try to take over. But add that you do love your grandson and only want to be loving grandparents in his life – nothing more.

 

If you can manage to do that I don’t think you’ll need to get into the issue of grandparents’ rights, but to answer your question – you don’t have any rights at all – except to have your request for access considered in the event of a dispute. You really don’t want it to get that far.

 

Discuss these issues on our forum.

 

 

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