family life


Create your own comfort zone when away from home

By Sarah Rodrigues

How often do you stay at your grandchild's house, in order to be there when they wake in the morning, or to deal with bath and bedtime? If you're a fairly regular houseguest, it makes sense to have an overnight bag constantly packed and ready to go. Stock it with a selection of your favourite toiletries, a nightie or pair of pyjamas, toothbrush and toothpaste, and you'll be able to breeze out the door and arrive at your daughter's, or daughter-in-law's, place feeling calm and stress-free which is a good thing, because chances are that she'll be a bundle of frazzlement. That's why she's called on you for help, after all.

There's no reason why you shouldn't keep that stress-free feeling throughout the rest of your visit, either. Yes, sure, you're there to help out, but if you approach your stay as a treat rather than a chore, it can almost take on the quality of a mini-break - from Grandad, from your usual household chores and from your regular environment. Once your grandchild is in bed, you should ideally just be able to relax, watch what you want to watch on television, have a long soak in the bath, catch up on some reading - whatever you want to do.

With this in mind, make sure that your overnight bag contains a few treats - rather than taking your regular shower gel or soap with you, why not take some indulgent bath oil or a fizzy bath bomb? Add in a few beauty treats - perhaps a facemask or hair conditioning treatment - or even a manicure set, so that you can give yourself that file and polish that you never seem to have time for at home. And what about the book that you'd love to read, but that you can never concentrate on at night, either because Grandad has got the television on, or is shattering your peace with his snoring? Now's your chance to get a few chapters under your belt. Ideally, 'your' bedroom should also feel as cosy and as comfortable as possible, so while it may be too much to expect that it's made up as "Grandma's room" (since it may be required for other guests in between your visits) there's no harm in taking a favourite throw or a few framed pictures to place on the bedside table.

It makes sense to talk to your grandchild's mother about this - if the child you help to care for is your daughter's, chances are that there's a sense of being 'at home' that comes with one of your overnight visits anyway. If the mother is your daughter-in-law, however, you may need to tread more carefully, depending on how good your relationship is. Your daughter may understand that you can only sleep on 600-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets, a la Jennifer Lopez, and not even blink an eye at you turning up with the contents of your linen cupboard ready to whisk on to the guest bed ... your daughter-in-law, however, may take this as implied criticism. Whatever your relationship with the mother of your grandchildren, bear in mind that mums to young children are often stressed and trying to juggle a thousand things at once. This can sometimes mean that they're prone to fits of oversensitivity, so take their feelings into consideration before turning the bathroom into a spa retreat and rearranging the furniture in the guest bedroom so that the Feng Shui is just right.

Most mums, however, will simply be grateful that you are there, willing and able to lend a helping hand and free up some of their time - so they'll be only too happy to accommodate you in your little indulgences. The secret is in striking a balance between 'treat' and 'mistreat' - treating yourself and making them feel that you are mistreating their home. If you fancy a glass of chilled Sauvignon Blanc the minute you walk through the door, let your daughter or daughter in law know this, so that they have a bottle on ice. But bring a bottle along with you every so often, to replenish their supply. If you love the idea of having a break from cooking every time you go to stay, let Mum know that you appreciate there being food to ready to heat-and-eat waiting for you in the fridge. But reciprocate by making double portions next time you are cooking something that freezes well, like a shepherds pie, and taking it with you to pop in the freezer. There will always be a night when you're not there to help, and when Mum will be unbelievably grateful to have a home-cooked meal on standby.

  1. DO pack an overnight bag
  2. DO approach your stay as a treat
  3. DO take a few creature comforts to make you feel more at home
  4. DO strike a balance between 'treat' and 'mistreat'
  5. DON'T be surprised if your daughter or daughter-in-law is prone to oversensitivity