residency order for our 2 grandaughters

[nannycarol]

hello
we have been caring for our 2 little grandaughters now for 3 months. social services placed the girls in our care due to domestic abuse and also mum's cocaine habit. we have always cared for the girls since birth, so for them coming to us full-time was not too disturbing for the girls.we have always taken them on holidays, swimming and good fun days out. our son accepts that he is not in a position to care for the girls, and he does see them almost on a daily basis. their mother however can go weeks before she even contacts us to ask how the girls are, and on many occasions has not turned up to see them after she has made arrangements. we do not tell the girls mummy is coming to take you out for the day after seeing the older girl aged 4yrs staring out of the window waiting for her mummy.
social services are encouraging us to apply for a residency order, but are not supporting us finacially, and due to owning our own home, we cannot get legal aid. yet, we are saving social services a fortune by caring for these beautiful little things. we would not have it any other way, the thought of them being in foster care would break our hearts.
we attended a child in need meeting yesterday and all mum did was basically tell me how much see hated me and that we had taken her children from her, she also felt that taking cocaine when the girls were in bed was ok and up to her. has anyone been or is in the same situation, and what is the process like

[Cathy]

Hi nannycarol,
I have only just read your post and can see that it was made a while ago. I do hope that as time has passed, things are going well for you on a practical level and that your two little girls are happy.
I do understand completely, so much of what you say.
Our two paternal grandaughters are aged 6yrs and 8yrs. It is SoOh sad to see how loyal they are to neglectful parents, being a little older, they watch the clock as well...
In our case, they are in the custody of their mother who is an alcoholic. Since she decided to leave our son, taking the girls with her, our son has become depressed and is about to become homeless.
The girls have always spent a lot of time with us including, like you, outings and holidays. Now, when they stay with us, they REALLY do not want to go home.

I am sorry that I/we do not have any experience of the process of seeking a residency order, perhaps someone else may have knowledge of this to share.

Maybe we will have to face this in the near future, as she has told our son she thinks the girls may be taken from her. The school has already contacted the SS.
Cathy x

[mama t]

hi

you can get a residence order in two ways one with the mothers consent you go to court it cost about £100 or free if you get legal aid. or if the mother fights you might be lucky and get ss to pay but normally you end up paying if you look on family rights group forum they have got advice sheets on how to do a diy residence order. there is also a special gauridanship order which gives you more control because you still share pr with the parents with both orders but with sgo you have the final say. you can also make provision in your will as where they will live if anything happens to you. you cannot do this in your will with a residence order. hope this helps you both.

[Cathy]

Thanks again Mama t! you are a font of all knowledge!
Cathy x

[nannycarol]

Hi to everyone that responded to my last quest for information re a residency order.
Well, we started the process using a solicitor, but within the first few weeks the bill was increasing to an amount that I knew we would not be able to afford. I got in touch with the grandparents association and I obtained really good advice on do your own application and what to expect in court.The organization even phoned me to offer support. Well, we went to court and won!! We now have parental responsibility for our 2 granddaughters. I understand that guardianship would be better and would offer the girls more stability, but we are certain it would be a long battle and I think at this present time we are happy with pr. It has been over a year now, but contact with the girls mother is the same.She can go weeks without seeing them, then plays the devoted mother for a week or two.I find it very difficult to keep my mouth zipped, but I must remember never to give her any ammunition if we have to return to court. We are unable to obtain any form of carers allowance, as we have been informed by our social services department that it does not exist in this area. We do have moments when we wonder what we have let ourselves in for, especially when feeling tired. Our life has changed, we have lost the freedom of going out to dinner, having a lay in or even having a lazy day. But when they cuddle us and tell us how much they love us, then I know we are doing the right thing.

[GrannyJules]

Oh I'm so pleased for you, even though it'll be tiring , as you say the cuddles makeup for it.
It would be awful not to be involved in their care, and I really don't know how grandparents don't qualify for financial help, equal to the help foster carers get.
I'd be like you and have to go for it too. I wish you lots of luck and many truely good and happy times.

[twinnana]

Nannycarol,
I am so happy for you that you have got the PR.
I can imgaine how tiring it must be on a 24/7 basis but am sure you will be given strength needed. I wish you every success.

[jack]

Though i do understand the bitter-sweet thoughts that you would understandably feel.I cant understand why you are not getting financial support.I am so ashamed of our culture sometimes. Its great that the Grandparents organisation gave you support.
Well done. Brilliant. Lucky girls.xjack

[Aggie]

Well done for persevering , it is wonderful to have the love of the children and sad thet their mother is missing on that due to her own stupidity

[nantotwins]

I echo all comments above, great news for you and the children. I too am mystified as to the fact your area goes not pay an allowance, I would have thought it was nationwide. It must be up to local councils which is wrong.
Best wishes to you and well done for your determination. Georgine.x