Q: Hello there, my daughter and fiance are moving very close to his parents, the same [...]
Ask Jackie: Estranged granddaughterCreated by Jackie Highe in Ask Jackie
Q: I have four children, three grandchildren. Two of my grandchildren live in Germany as my Son is in the forces, I see them every few months, which isn’t enough but we manage it well and make the most of the time.
My other grandchild, Millie, is 3 in February, her mum, my daughter lives 10 minutes away from me with her partner. I was present when Millie was born and saw her almost everyday, up until 13 months ago. My daughter and I haven’t had an easy relationship but things improved when she became pregnant, I was elated when Millie was born.
But about 15 months ago my daughter and had a disagreement, she has always been the wayward one and had asked me to pick Millie up from a wedding as she was really ill, but my daughter didn’t come home with her. I have never interfered in my kids lives and offered advice only when asked. But I did voice my opinion over this matter, for that I have been banned from Millie’s life. Also my other kids don’t see their sister and niece and my other grandkids don’t either.
It is so very sad, I have tried to talk to her but she is having none of it and is just nasty. My heart is in pieces…..
A: This is a tragedy – and everyone is suffering – you, your grandchildren – and your daughter too, because she’s distanced herself from all the love and assistance she’d be getting from you if you were on normal terms.
There’s no quick fix for this. What I’m going to suggest will be hard to do – but think of the rewards. Don’t keep hold of your anger. Don’t harp on about the past – whether you were right or wrong. Don’t reproach her. Forget what happened and just be there – the loving mum I know you are.
In time she’ll come round – she’ll remember she loves you and needs you. Be patient. Don’t say things that can never be unsaid. Your daughter loves you and she’ll remember it if you give her the space.